"Predictable me"

I bet I'm the most predictable one in class I say the most random stuff I talk like an owl that is so boring, I also think people are not interested in me. So I think the best way away from me is try not to talk to me. Yet there are still people who come to me but I know they want to be nice I just feel sometimes kind of insecure. I don't know what they think of me which makes me more insecure. I never feel to cautious of my insecurities so I wouldn't really think of them. I am for me the most predictable person one I know, people tell me that " Yeah, yeah" or "wow... (sarcastically)", you know those tiny words really hurt if people just know how you feel, then maybe they would see all the pain that you're in.

If only people could be more polite sometimes and more generous then maybe everything would just be fine and the world would be just a bit peaceful. But later the world would just go upside down again and everything turns into your little nightmare, I wounder if everyone experienced it. Oh yeah it's one of my predictable questions for making me predictable again. The answer would be again of course everyone experienced this it wouldn't be human.

Why do I have to be a boring, predictable,insecure, etc. kind of person. I never am the right one I'm always the sour puss if I'm angry or irritated and when I feel all alone I'm the to quite and shy little girl that I am. I always need someone to help me on my feet I always need someone to talk to or I' ll always have an emotional breakdown, when I can't tell what I want to say because there might be some people who might criticize on what I'm going to say. You know I always want a very close friend because with a friend you don't feel alone and you have someone to tell your secrets to. It matters so much to me to have a friend by my side because we know that we have each others backs. I've already felt alone to many times that I need to help myself already and for the record I only have 5 very close friends

1. Joab
2. Ivana
3. Mandy
4. Natassja
5. Katja (I like calling her close 'causeum she was my first very super friend in CDO last year no one at all came that super close to me that fast.)

Most of them were only friends for a reason right so there reason is

• Sweet-Sweet (childhood friends)
• Joab (family friends)
• Mandy & Natassja ( AOS Davao)
• Katja (lets see were friendship may take us first)

So really I think this is how it goes. When I'm around them I don't feel predictable boring or any insecurities it's like these people have some kind of thing going on around them that makes me feel all OK they accept me for me and they actually are easy to talk to, they have this kind of charisma in them that attracts people.